Guess who doesn’t have more than a couple of books with measurements of time in them? This human, right here. So instead, you’re getting books with food in the titles, because that is something I can do. Potatoes? We got ’em. Chocolate? Of course! Mushrooms? I wouldn’t eat them, but we’re including them anyway because nothing can stop us…
Why do I always write like there’s more then on of me? I can assure you that it’s just me throwing this chaos out into the void.
Aaanway! Click on for the good stuff, people!
Top Ten Tuesday is brought to you by That Artsy Reader Girl.
Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise
This book was super interesting, Reichl was the food critic for the New York Times, which is like- really important and very big in the restaurant world. And she went Super Spy Mode for the job, taking on disguises and personas in order to get the most authentic experience she could out of the establishments she visited. Sometimes hilarious, sometimes scandalous, I worried for her mental health as much as I did for her stomach as she took New York by storm and upset a bunch of pretentious white males.
The Empress of Salt and Fortune
Some might argue that salt is not a food, it’s a mineral, to which I reply, “You’ve obviously never met me,” I love salt, it’s great, it’s a flavor enhancer guys! It’s there to help, and I love it. The book is good too, quietly beautiful with a touch of mystery and wonderful imagery. And salt! Like a goat in the mountains, I crave that mineral.
Like Water for Chocolate
I read this book when I was way too young, and while I remember liking it, I also remember there is a scene where two characters have sex on the back of a galloping horse. As someone who has been on a horse, both galloping and not, I can assure you this is incredibly impractical, unhygienic, and downright dangerous. Do not do this, to yourself or the horse, just eat some nice food and make eyes at your forbidden lover across a table while surrounded by family, also don’t catch on fire? I don’t know, maybe I took the wrong things away from this story, the food sounded good though.
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
It’s weird to me that Flagg says this isn’t a lesbian romance, when it is so obviously a lesbian romance?? Like… it’s not even subtextual (shut up spellcheck, it’s a word) or subtle or anything, it just straight up is? Did she do it confuse us? Was it opposite day when she made that claim? Does she not know the definition of the word lesbian? I don’t know man, but this is absolutely a lesbian romance- what with the honey and the blushing and the devoting their entire lives to one another while raising a child together. Also don’t eat people, I don’t feel like that should be something that I have explain, it’s just a fact of life. People are not food, food are not people. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Fortunately, the Milk
You ever go to the store and you only have to get a few things, so you think to yourself, “I don’t need to make a list, me and this big, complex, well evolved brain can remember everything I need,” but then you get to the store and they’re playing Savage Garden over the speakers and there’s a BOGO sale on Oreos and the next thing you know you’re back at home with about 75 to 80 percent of the things you need, two packets of Oreos that you don’t, and “Truly, Madly, Deeply” stuck in your head?
This is not that story. This guy absolutely remembers the milk, he just runs into a lot of obstacles on his journey home.
The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales
This book is chaos, distilled down to a few dozen pages of fever-dream like illustrations and as the title says, fairly stupid tales. But it’s also brilliant, subversive, funny, and wonderful. I mean, just look at the Ugly Duckling on the cover there (he’s the one who is right below the shiny award logo), you better believe the story ends with him being ugly still, as well as not smart. It’s amazing. You’ll just have to take my word on it.
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Nazi’s suck. A lot. Potatoes? Don’t suck. In fact they are great. Where am I going with this? I don’t know- but I do know this book was fine, not amazing or anything, but fine. It just felt like it was lacking something, I don’t know what- dragons, maybe? I need to eat, writing about food while hungry isn’t working out for me. On a side note, never describe a person’s mouth as a “wet cavern”, this has nothing to do with the book, it’s just something I really feel needs to be said.
Hamlet
Deception. This book is not about tiny hams like the name implies- it is about a prince with a Bad Mom and a Bad Step Dad and a really cool friend who would absolutely Be There for Him if he would just Open Up about his Troubles and his Ghost Dad instead of keeping them Bottled Up until he’s pretty much Insane.
Little Mushroom: Judgment Day
Please oh god don’t eat this particular little mushroom, he is sentient and very nice and honestly his not!boyfriend would be upset, and that wouldn’t end well for you. Mushrooms are sort of gross anyway? Like, I heard in a documentary once that they have more in common with humans (and animals I guess, whatever) then they do with plants, so the reason cooked mushrooms have the texture of water-logged flesh is because that’s essentially what they are. Am I making some really broad statements that are obviously showing my bias against mushrooms? Yes, yes I am. That’s never stopped me before though.
The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming: A Christmas Story
You haven’t lived until your holed up in a basement listening to your Jewish coworker do a dramatic reading of this book that includes screaming while the sky threatens you with a Snowmageddon and the entire town looses it’s collective mind because it’s almost Christmas and what do you mean you don’t have twenty copies of Skippy Jon Jones in the store, I need them tonight!!!! Retail man, it’s a trip.
Chasing the Four Winds 
Hi Jessica! Food is always a good call.
I haven’t read Like Water for Chocolate yet, but Fried Green Tomatoes is a classic and The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society a favorite!
Your link on Jana’s page takes me to a twitter tweet. Maybe just check that (winky face)
Elza Reads
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That’s really weird that the link does that, because it takes me to her TTT “How it Works” page, and even when I hover over it, it shows her blog as the link. Regardless! Thank you for checking out the post, and happy Tuesday!
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Jessica, I can’t tell you how many times I laughed while reading this post. Thank you for making my morning that much better. ❤
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You’re so welcome- I’m glad you enjoyed it! I had a ton of fun writing it!
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I loved reading your bits under each book. They made me smile! Have a great day!
Pam @ Read! Bake! Create!
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Ah thank you! I can never tell if I’m being too chaotic for my own good, but as long as I make a few people smile, I’ll consider it a job well done!
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At first I thought I wouldn’t have heard any of the books on your list, but I’ve actually read about half of them! Which means you have a very good list indeed. 😉
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